The Truth on Coffee

2 Oct

Greetings Fellow Freedom Cuppers,

Andrew Brewtbart here, faithfully reporting for duty, roasting to the right of the mainstream coffee press. You know, friends,  we don’t just write the news here at Brewtbart; we feel a responsibility to you, to your intellect, to your very Americanism, to sift through the liberal grind of CoffeeWood and report to you the unadulterated, unfiltered truth. The Truth on Coffee.

You see, the powers that be in the coffee world, the drug takers and the free lovers, the Mark Princes and Liz Claytons, they’ll have you believe every last left-learning liberal lie that spews from their bilious beanholes, like so much spray frothed forth into our modest society’s spitcup. The Truth on Coffee is..our humble hobby, the very lifeblood that flows through our caffeined veins, is utterly controlled from the inside out by the Little Brown Mafia; the left-leaning anti-Ameri-crats who dominate our pursuit, mine and yours, of the perfect cuppa java.

And who will challenge them? Who will fight for you, oh humble reader? I alone, Andrew Brewtbart.  I will challenge the Social Communist Anti-Americans at the SCAA;  I alone will tamp down the Portafilters and shclep away the schlock proffered by the perverts at Barista Sexchange. I’m the only name in coffee you can trust, dear reader, and don’t you let the libs tell you otherwise. Don’t let them subvert your daughters and emasculate your sons. Don’t let them dissolve your nuclear families like so much hot water to flavor crystals. They support the wrong regimes, they lie to get their way, and they’ll grind to you into the ground with a Dumb-o-cratic deluge of delusional drip!

You’re smarter than that, dear reader. You demand the Truth on Coffee, the whole Truth on Coffee, and nothing but the Truth on Coffee. You won’t get it from that pink-haired, tattoo’d, alternative lifestyle practicing barista communista down the block; you won’t get it from Chairman Cho and his SCAA Politburo. You can only find it here.

Andrew Brewtbart, signing off.